


Water Under the Bridge

by OccidensdeLuna



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Help, Human Disaster Julian Devorak, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Literal Sleeping Together, Nonbinary Asra (The Arcana), One Shot, Past Asra/Julian Devorak, Platonic Cuddling, References to Depression, Sleep Deprivation, Sweet Asra (The Arcana), Tarot, the arcana - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:53:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25838347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OccidensdeLuna/pseuds/OccidensdeLuna
Summary: “Ilya, you can’t be serious. You could get seriously injured, or worse…”“Mhm. Believe it or not, that is the point. The last leap of faith. The jump to end all jumps.”“You can’t be serious…”“Oh, no, I am dead serious.”“Ilya, please…”
Relationships: Asra/Julian Devorak
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	Water Under the Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was going to be a chapter in my other work, Behave, but this felt much more like a one off than a part of something. Anyway, it's past midnight so it's time to write things I will most certainly regret. Happy reading~

“Are you happy?”

The question broke the ongoing silence between the two, forcing the other to look up from what they had been working on, and up to the man sitting beside them. They had been like this for quite some time now, sitting together on the edge of a bridge that crossed the waterways overlooking the city of Vesuvia, in a mutually accepted vocal rest, the man keeping the other company while they blindly shuffled tarot cards between their long fingers. Asra hadn’t minded the silence, almost preferring it to whatever rambling stream of nonsense questions and overly emotional confessions followed by a handful of apologies Julian was almost guaranteed to blurt out, but they humored him, returning the adequately shuffled cards back into their velvet pouch and folded their hands neatly on their lap.

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t think I’m happy. Not anymore. I don’t know what changed, but I don’t remember being this dark when I was younger.” Julian’s voice was soft, almost inaudible over the burbling sound of the water below them.

“Were you ever young, Ilya, or did you just spawn from the universe as a sleep deprived thirty-something with a disdain for peace and quiet and a knack for getting yourself into an unusually large amount of trouble?”

“I’m thirty-seven. You were at my birthday. You hosted it.”

“Age is an illusion.” Asra snipped, swinging their legs lazily over the edge, their elbows resting on one of the bridge’s support beams.

Asra didn’t know how Julian always seemed to find them when they were off wandering the city, but sure enough, if they were in one place long enough the tall and gawky silhouette would make himself apparent in no time. Today the magician decided that the sun was shining much too prettily, after weeks of torrential downpour, to possibly stay indoors managing the shop and was playing hooky, recharging their tarot cards and revitalizing their spirit under the rare autumn sunlight on one of the many bridges that crossed over the rushing waterways that carried excess rain water through canals to the ocean. They didn’t especially mind Julian always making his way to their side, but they did tire of how often the doctor’s run ins led them down roads paved with shed tears, drunken fights, and angry sex, with the inevitable silent treatment forcing a wedge between the two for however long felt right before the cycle began again. It was more tedious than anything else, for Asra really did enjoy the friendship and the more intimate moments that the two shared, but it was hard to wade through the self loathing of the other, who constantly marooned himself off and alone after one of his benders. But perhaps maybe this time would be different…

“...sometimes I wonder if I should just jump off this bridge and end it all now before life gets any worse.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Asra snapped out of their mind, turning to give the auburnette a worried look.

“Oh, you tune in about that but not when I said I was thinking about changing my name and to Nicolai Armitage the Third and moving across the sea to make my fortunes selling my body to whomever struck my fancy?” Julian’s voice rang with playful offense, clutching his chest with his hand, before laughing off the mock hurt.

“No, no, no. Go back to the hurling yourself off of the bridge bit.”

“Well, I technically said “jump off this bridge”, but it’s all the same in the end.”

“Ilya, you can’t be serious. You could get seriously injured, or worse…”

“Mhm. Believe it or not, that is the point. The last leap of faith. The jump to end all jumps.”

“You can’t be serious…”

“Oh, no, I am _dead_ serious.”

“Ilya, please…”

Julian gave a bored sigh, slowly laying back until his storm cloud eye was gazing up at the cerulean sky and his head was resting on the cobblestone of the bridge, legs kicking absentmindedly as he squinted up into the Heavens. He had shared the notion of ending his life to the magician before, but never with such a serious tone in his voice, though for a fleeting moment they wondered if Julian even _could_ die, what with his connection with the Hanged Man, though in the instances of life and death it was always better to steer with caution rather than wishful thinking. Asra tossed a glum look to the waters below them, an icy shover running across their sun kissed skin at the thought of their… well he wasn’t their boyfriend, now was he? ‘Friend’ seemed a bit of a stretch, considering all they had seen and done with the poor man, and ‘Lover’ was an out of the question, resounding no. In the end, Julian was just that. Julian. Whoever he was, at the end of the day, Asra found the idea of him plummeting down to his self inflicted doom to be sickening at best, and at worst? There were some days, when there were nothing but smiles and laughter and sweet kisses between the two, that not being able to see him, hold him, love him was earth shattering. As frustrating as he was, whether they liked it or not, Julian was a vital part of Asra’s life and to be without him would be like asking the moon to keep her radiance even after the sun was snuffed out. Impossible.

“You’re not actually concerned, are you? Stars, Asra, it was just a passing thought. You know me, I’ll be back to my usual recklessness in no time,” Julian gave a gentle pat to the other’s thigh, before letting his hand fall back down to the ground, “I just don’t know where to go from here, is all. Nothing seems real anymore. As though nothing I do from here on out will have any meaning or consequence.”

“And so you think jumping off a bridge will help?”

“I never said it was a _good_ idea. Just an idea. Besides, I’d probably never do it. I’m much too self centered to end it all.”

“For some reason, knowing the only thing keeping you from… I don’t even want to say it… I’m not comforted knowing that your ego is the only thing keeping you here with me, and not...”

“Dead? You really do care about me, don’t you, my dear? That’s nice of you. I care about you too.”

“Oh, shut up, Ilya.” Asra snapped, looking down at the man beside them with tears in their amethyst eyes. 

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to kill the mood.”

“I swear to the Gods, Ilya, if you don’t stop joking about this I’ll kill you myself.”

“Again, sorry. Perhaps having a connection to the Hanged Man gives me a deeper sense of Gallows Humor,” Julian chuckled at his own joke, though the laugh faded when he saw tears falling from the other’s cheeks, “Hey… Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. You know better than that.”

Julian gave an apologetic, lopsided smile, as though that alone could keep him in good standing with the magician, though it dropped after a moment or two. He raised his hand up, and as gently as he could manage, wiped away the tears that fell from Asra’s cheek before gently coaxing them to lay down beside them and watch the clouds float by overhead. Though every couple of minutes, Asra would let out a choked sob or sniff and hurriedly rub away the tears that streamed down their face, they kept silent in the crook of the doctor’s arm, comforted by the warmth he radiated. It was the moments like these, where everything was amicable and the air was clear between them that Asra wished desperately that things could work out between them without the whole ordeal of heartbreak and feuding. After a while, when the sky shifted to a blush pink and bleeding into lilac with peaches and cream clouds wandering aimlessly in the atmosphere, the tears stopped, though the two stayed where they were on the bridge; Julian on his back with Asra tucked in the crook of his arm, both staying silent observers to the changing of the sky’s hue. It was hard to tell exactly when the pair moved to the magic shop, both lost in their own minds and huddled together against the pricking winds of Autumn’s icy embrace, but once the heavy mahogany door swung closed it was as though the dream ended and reality seeped back in.

“Do you want me to give you a reading?” Asra was the first to break the silence, their voice hushed by the proximity of the man.

“You know I don’t believe in that sort of thing.”

“And you know that _I_ don’t take ‘no’ as an answer. Have a seat, I’ll be back with some tea.”

“Actually, I drink coffee. Black. No sugar.” Julian called out behind them, sitting hesitantly down on one of the cushioned chairs at the circular table, though he knew the request wouldn’t be accepted as the magician was a stickler about caffeine after sundown.

The shop itself was cozy, the stove salamander having been busy all day to keep it warm despite the icy winds now rushing against the small, tucked away building. He had spent many a night at the table, on the table, it was all the same to him. The doctor pulled off his left gloze and grazed his thumb along the smooth edge of it, before allowing his upper body to collapse and slump down against the top. He could have easily fallen asleep, the time he spent in the warm sunlight making his eyelid feel oh so heavy… But the thud of a mug against the table jostled his senses enough to force the doctor to jolt upright and gasp for breath.

“Pardon me, I wasn’t aware you were sleeping during normal human hours. Last I heard you were all but nocturnal.” Asra cooed, biting their lip to keep from giggling at how disheveled the man appeared.

“I was not,” Julian started before he interrupted himself with a yawn leaving his face flushed in embarrassment, “I was not asleep. I was resting my eye.”

“Ilya, you can take the eyepatch off, if it’ll make you more comfortable. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Mm-mm. I’m fine.” The doctor murmured, though he begrudgingly pulled off the black eyepatch, combing his fingers through his hair as the covered eye got used to the light. It shone a deep ruby in the dim light, what should be ivory instead a deep red, the colour of blood. 

“Yeah? Last time you said you were fine was the great leech disaster of last spring.”

“And need I remind you that I was, in fact, fine. The leeches did nothing wrong.” Julian crossed his arms over his chest, watching warily as the other began to reshuffle their tarot cards.

“They nearly drained all of your blood. You couldn’t walk straight for weeks. I had to nurse you back to health for almost two months. I honestly will never know how your sister lived with you for so long.”

“Yeah, Pasha’s pretty great… I miss that girl.”

Julian fell silent, a melancholic smile on his lips as he starred glumly down at the eyepatch he was fidgeting with in his hands. It pained him to think that he couldn’t remember the last time he saw his sister, or that she had no idea the changes he had taken on since last they met. Sighing, the doctor took a long sip of the tea Asra had placed in front of him, and in a sudden stomach churning response, tried his best not to spit the murky liquid back into the cup. The almost boiling temperature had assaulted his tongue first, before the overwhelmingly bitter taste actually started to present itself. Julian gave the magician a look of dismay, who sat in smug silence, happily sipping on their tea. 

“Alright, enough silly musings. In this reading, we will delve deep into what lies ahead of you regarding the past, present, and future. Will you do the honours of cutting the deck, please?” Asra’s eyes twinkled in the candlelight, fiery glimmers shining in their iolite eyes.

Julian groaned, rolling his eyes while he separated the cards into three different piles, trying his best to get them as even as he could - not that it mattered, as he didn’t believe in all of that magic nonsense anyway, but it was nice to look at - before gingerly pointing to the one he had placed on the left. The magician winked at him, moving the unpicked decks off to the side, taking the chosen pile in their hands and arranging them in a large circle with one card in the center. For an extra flair, once the cards had been presented, Asra waved their hands over them and rolled their eyes in the back of their head, a breathy moan ripping itself from their throat.

“Asra, cut it out. I have a bad feeling about this already, and you’re not making me feel very safe or accepted.” Julian whined, hugging himself and pulling back into his chair.

“Ahem…” The magician cleared their throat, giving Julian a mischievous smile, “Think of a question or an intention in your mind, and choose three cards. Whatever calls to your soul.”

“The only thing calling to my soul is the door.”

“Be nice, Ilya.”

Once Julian had chosen his three cards, Asra placed them in front of the man being careful not to disrupt the position they had been in when they were chosen. Though he didn’t realize it, Julian was holding his breath in anticipation and had leaned forward away from his chair until his elbows rested on the table's edge, his chin on his hands. Asra slipped their thumb under the first card, and looked up through their snow white lashes.

“The first card is…”

“Death!” Julian interrupted, having flipped his greatcoat’s collar up around his face, casting dark shadows over his gaunt face, and waved his fingers in an attempt to be spooky.

“The Devil.” Asra’s voice was exasperated, their other hand rubbing their temples.

“I think I would have preferred Death.”

“For once in your life, shut up and listen. The Devil represents your past. It is in the upright position, and symbolizes being trapped and unable to see your way out. What you must do is escape the veil of darkness around you and understand that although it may not look like it now, there is always a light in the darkest of shadows.”

“Huh… Alright. Trapped, veil of darkness, light in the darkest of shadows. Got it. Next?”

“The next card will represent your present, and is…”

“DEATH!!”

“Four of Wands. Say ‘Death’ any louder and you’ll wake Faust.”

“Understood… Go on?”

“As I was saying… Four of Wands, in the upright position. For you, it means that whatever darkness you were trapped in the past you are about to step into a new era of life. An era of peace and light. Be grateful and appreciative for the friends, family, and… lovers… in your life, for they shall be a source of support and stability.”

“Uh huh… And you got all that from a card with a funky little snake on it surrounded by sticks. Makes complete sense.”

“And lastly, this card shall represent your future and whatever it may hold for you.”

Asra took a deep breath, and closed their eyes, mostly for dramatic effect but in part to annoy the auburnette. It was when they could feel the vibrations of the man bouncing his legs that their eyes finally fluttered open and a coy smile crossed their plush lips. Perhaps it was cruel of them to tease and taunt Julian in such a manner, but they would be lying if they said it wasn’t fun. The doctor was so wary of the Supernatural, and this was such a rare opportunity that they couldn’t let it slip without taking advantage of it...

“...Death…” The magician breathed, almost choking on the word.

“Wh-What? You must be joking. Asra, if this is all some elaborate ruse to keep me from doing anything , er… irreversible, cut it out. Please, this is all too much.” Julian’s voice trembled, and he couldn’t bring himself to break his sight on the card that lay before him.

“Do you know what the Death card means?”

“I think I can surmise enough to make a guess.”

“While reversed it can be interpreted into things such as terminal illness, depression, and an unwillingness to change, like the other cards from your reading, you have drawn the upright Death card.”

“Lucky me.”

“It means endings. Not necessarily of the mortal realm, but of the release from the bonds that have been holding you back. Alongside the other two cards, I am not surprised by this one, and am in fact pleased to see it amongst your reading.”

When they noticed that the doctor was being unusually silent, Asra brushed the cards to the side of the table, and reached over to grasp at his hands to try and pull the man out of whatever spiral they were sure he was going through. They could see the familiar glaze washing over Julian’s eyes, could feel his heartbeat pounding in his hands, could hear the now quickened breathing that all pointed to one of his anxiety attacks. There was little they could do, apart from magic, to ease the attack now, though from past experience Asra had an idea of what could help if they acted now. Slowly, as not to shock the poor man, Asra stood up and gently pulled off the greatcoat that hung from the doctor’s broad shoulders, and got to work undoing the many buttons that held the inner jacket shut and pulling off the tall boots that almost reached the man’s thighs. After some time, when the constricting layers of clothing had been shed, the other led Julian into the small, tucked away bedroom that they kept in case of emergencies, shutting the door behind them with a quiet sigh. This had not been their plan, letting him stay the night, but Gods know what he was and was not capable of, and they knew that without a doubt, he was not in the proper headspace to be alone tonight.

“Ilya, dear, will you lay down with me?” Asra’s voice was soft and their hands that combed through Julian’s mahogany locks, pushing the thick mop of curls off and away from his face.

“Mhm…”

“I won’t let you be alone tonight. I’m right here.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. It’s all water under the bridge.”

“I… Thank you…”

Asra let the other nuzzle his face in their neck, both having to stay pressed firmly against each other to fit on the small bed, though neither minded in the slightest. Julian wrapped his arms around the magician’s slender body, pulling them even closer to him, and tried to get as much human contact as he could manage, having been many nights since he was able to soak in the heat of another or feel someone else’s body against his own. It was only after the candles snuffed themselves in their own melted pools of wax, was the doctor finally able to take deep breaths without feeling light headed, though it wasn’t until the moon shone through the small window over the bed did he calm down to the point where his heart wasn’t hammering in his ribcage. Asra had fallen asleep before the first candle even melted halfway, though never once did they let go of the man in their arms, even in the deepest of their slumbers, which Julian was grateful for. He wasn’t sure what he would do, given the opportunity to move freely, but for now… In this moment with this person asleep in his arms, perhaps things could be okay. Just for a night. Just for him and the magician intertwined in his embrace. His eyes had been heavy since he had awoken, the doctor’s body screaming for sleep with every breath and beat of his heart, but it was always his mind that apprehended him in his attempts for rest, nevertheless tonight was different. Tonight Asra was fulfilling their promise, keeping him safe and sound, and more importantly, not alone. With his thoughts slowing and his mind growing ever quiet, Julian spent his last fiber of strength to press his lips to the top of Asra’s head before he too fell into the warm grasp of slumber, floating down into a pleasantly dreamless sleep.


End file.
